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懂礼貌的你一定得拥抱你不愿拥抱的人吗?

etiquette doesn't mean accepting unwanted embraces

懂礼貌的你一定得拥抱你不愿拥抱的人吗?

the mother of a friend has taken to lifting me up off the ground every time she talks to me at church. i'm 24. i let her once, because i thought it was going to be a friendly greeting. unfortunately, that sent her the wrong message.

我朋友的妈妈每次和我在教堂交谈时,都会将我抱起。我已经24岁了。有一次,我默许她这么做了,因为我觉得这是一种友好的问候。但不幸的是,她因此会错了意。

the mom, i'll admit, is only being friendly, but she also calls me "little girl" and comments on how i need to eat more. we talk about little else. frankly, if this is how most of our future conversations are going to be, i would prefer we just cordially smile and walk on.

我承认,这位母亲真的是善意的,但她却叫我“小姑娘”,让我多吃点。我们很少谈其它话题。说实话,如果未来我们的谈话都是如此,我宁愿我们只是点头之交,笑完后各走各的。

these comments and actions are frustrating to me because people often feel the need to comment on how short/small i am. just when i think i'm beginning to not care what others think, she starts in. she is very outgoing and has a strong personality, and it seems she feels like she knows me well enough to speak this way. but to me, it's tiring and annoying.

她的言语和行为令我感到沮丧,因为受她的影响,其他人也开始发表看法,说我很矮/很小。就在我以为自己并不在乎他人看法的时候,她开始了。她非常外向,爱憎分明,就好像她非常了解我才会这么说。但于我而言,这种行为很讨厌。

my friend no longer attends my church, so i don't feel i can ask her to intervene with her mom for me.

我的朋友不再陪我去教堂,所以我想,不能再请她干预我和她妈妈的相处模式了。

i don't want to offend her or hurt her feelings by explaining that i don't like it when she lifts me up or makes these comments. i also don't want to make a scene at church. i don't know if i should attend another church, hide in the bathroom, fake an injury and refuse to stand up when i see her, or what. i feel that the longer this goes on, the more awkward it will be to confront her. i'm also afraid she will try to convince me that she's just being friendly, so i shouldn't mind these things.

我不想向她解释,其实我并不喜欢她将我抱起或发表这些看法,我怕会冒犯她或伤害她的感情。我也不想在教堂大吵大闹。我想,要不要去另一家教堂呢,或看到她的时候去卫生间躲着、假装受伤,或拒绝站起来。我感觉这事儿拖得越久,面对她就会越尴尬。同时我也担心,她会尝试说服我,她那么做是出于好心,我不应该介意。

in regard to the weight and size comments, should i respond with, "that's genetics," or just ignore her? i feel the need to defend myself and list off every unhealthy food item i've ever eaten. but should i just smile and nod?

当她就我的体重和身高发表看法时,我应不应该回一句“这是基因造成的,”或者直接不理她?我非常想为自己辩解,并列出我吃过的每一样不健康食物。亦或者,我应该继续点头微笑?

it's becoming unbearable to talk to her, and i'm at a loss of what to do. is this a battle worth fighting, and if so, what should my strategies be?

我越来越无法忍受和她交流,我不知道该怎么做。这是场值得奋斗的‘战役’吗,如果是,我应该采取何种策略呢?

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